Packing!

It's been an interesting week at school, but there have been good ups along with the downs. I got my summer pay all worked out--hurray! And right about now it is paying off that I haven't upset the wrong people, and that I have kept some of those people on my side per se. You would be amazed at what has been going on lately. Anyway, today I got to start packing up stuff in my apartment... to move to Dubai!! Yes!!! So, my classroom is packed, my things to go home are just about packed, and now my apartment is also largely packed. Life is good. :o)

H

This post is brought to you by the letter H. H, as in:

Hot. It's been anywhere between 43* C and 50* C the last few weeks. That translates into between 110* F and 122* F. And no, it's not a dry heat. Because the letter H is also begins the word Humid. Sometimes I think you could wring the air if you really tried to. But thankfully, in an amazing and extreme act of grace, I am acclimating extraordinarily well. Freshman year of college I went to Guatemala for a week, where it was 104 in the shade and very dry, and I had serious issues with the heat. But this, well this weather I'm handling just fine. Yeah, it's hot, but yesterday I went walking around outside for a while and I could actually do it. Not that I wanted to be out much longer that I was, but thankfully the air is often pretty thick here, so at least you're only being baked and not fried as well (though two hours at the pool without sunscreen may not be the wisest idea...)

Thankfully, H also begins the word Happy, which is what I have been lately. :o) I had a fantastic weekend hanging out with Johani and adventuring around Dubai, as well as a great day today. On Friday we went to Jebel Ali, then to the Ibn Batutta mall,where I got left without a ride for the first time in a looong time. That wasn't an awful thing because I knew there was a bus stop there... somewhere... It just took us two hours to find it... But! we had a good time. We eventually made it back to her place, went to the Sahara Mall right near her flat (which is usually where I catch a taxi to go home), and did a little shopping there. Then I decided to just stay at her place for the night. By the end of the day I found myself with a new purse, which I needed, and a new dress, which I didn't necessarily need but which I fell in love with. It's green. :o) Yesterday, we went swimming on the roof of her building, then to the gold souk and the heritage village where we found some fun things as well. It was also a very good day, and thankfully we didn't have any trouble finding bus stops.

Today was also most excellent. I did not get to school at the usualy 6:15: because I stayed at Johani's again, I got there at 7:40. After that, I journaled for a bit, took a walk over to the Kindgergarten section with Johani, gave a guitar lesson to another teacher for a least an hour and a half, then did some scales on the piano and had a mini voice lesson with Johani. The day flew by--it was great!

Lastly, H is for Home, which is where I am heading soon! Go ahead, ask me how that feels. :o) I'm at the point where I'm ready to slowly start packing things up--I have to have everything ready to go when I leave in case my things get moved over the summer instead of when I get back. So, the I get to pack up everything in my apartment, not just my stuff to go home. But I'm ok with that. Fortunately I don't have tons and tons of stuff.

So, that's life with me for now.

:o)

-> Reply

I love it when people make me think, especially in response to something I've written here. Thankfully, God puts wise people into my life to help keep me from swinging too far to one side of the spectrum or the other.

Unfortunately for me, I cannot read what I write with eyes that are not my own, and posting here just does not allow me to convey everything that is in my head. That's why I think it's great to have feedback every now and again about what I write. Anyway. Here is my latest personal lesson.

I have a friend who likes to question me and share things with me very very often, and who nearly always about the same topics. The heart of this person is in the right place, but I often feel like I get grilled or lectured about the same things over and over again, and sometimes I wish this person would stop (unconsciously) expecting me to be passionate about all the same things. It is not wrong for me to be dispassionate about some things and more excited about others. Perhaps, however, this is something I also need to apply to myself. I am at a point where I am really thrilled about what I am learning, and about the ways that I feel God is moving in my life. But that is my own person journey. As much as I want to see a revival, especially in American chr'ches in general, I cannot expect everyone else to be at the same place that I am. I hope you will forgive me if you feel beaten over the head with a Bib. le--that is most definitely not my intention. I realize that to anyone reading this blog who does not believe what I believe, I probably sound something like a fanatic. I will hope not, but I guess that's a risk I'm willing to take at this point.

That being said, I also want to hedge part of my last post. I think all of us know people who are overly zealous to share their hope, and in doing so, they end up driving people away. This is something I have always been scared of, which is one reason I have kept my mouth shut for so many years. I've always been concerned with offending people. I still think this is a legitimate concern. However, if I could sum up what I really hope to see in my own life, and during my time at home this summer, it would be a greater openness and readiness. Hospitality is very important to me, and, in my opinion, should be important in a body of believers. However, our aim should not be to trap people in a situation and then put them on the spot--I think that can do more harm than never saying anything at all. But hospitality is the openness side of the coin. It is a way that I see all of us being able to fulfill the Comision, rather than just leaving that work for "professionals".

The other side of the coin is readiness--not that we necessarily launch convrsion campaigns, but, at least for me, that I would "always be prepard to give an anser to everyone who asks you to giv the reson for the hope that you have. But do ths with gentlenss and respect"

I'm know that there is a difference between being positively radical and destructively fanatical; may I learn it well, and not do too much harm in the meantime.

Thanks,
~Nikki

Because you do not ask

Ask and you will receive.
As you may have noticed, God has really been stirring in my heart lately. I know my last post was pretty heavy, and I have had several others recently about fruit in our lives, prayer (by the way, sometimes the title of the post is a link to another site. Just thought I'd mention that. :o) , and other similar things. I have been convicted lately of not praying enough, but man is it a difficult thing to do when you just really don't feel like it--when your thoughts are distracted and you feel like you keep repeating yourself, or you don't know what to pray for and you don't want just a bunch of empty words. This is item number one. Item number two has been for me to realize how timid and faithless I have been about certain things. I know that I want to do "volunteer" work in Africa (read: mi shuns work), and I have sort of been saving that mindset for when I "go there." I'm just in my current location to work and earn money so I can pay off my student loans and "go there." Then I realized how much I should be growing while I'm here, and that I should really try to bless others. But sharing what I believe as boldly as others do was just something I wasn't ready for. WRONG! Oh how very wrong I have been. It is a sad thing that, with only a few weeks left this time around, I finally want to be doing what I should have been doing all along. But let me back up a bit.

Perhaps it is just time. It seems that I always come to things just when I ought to, almost like God had a plan in mind all the time (shocking, I know). As I have said, I've really grown a lot these past months. This time around, it has been a culmination of a greater desire to pray more, being hit by the immensity of the go-spell, and a desire for more boldness especially when sharing, which all sort of came together in the audio clip of my last post. I mentioned my prayer struggle a bit, so allow me to take a moment to expound upon what I mean when I mention the go'pel. At the ch.ch I'm currently attending, I hear a lot about being cross centered and about hearing the gos' every week--if it isn't brought out in the message somehow, then it wasn't a message appropriate for corporate worsh'p. If you're anything like me, then when you think of the g'spel you probably think about the story of Js coming, dying, and being raised to life again, and a need to pray the "sin.r's prayer." It's like the door that you have to walk through to get to the rest of it, not a place that you spend much time. But take a moment to think about it. Without the gosp., nothing else matters. It's everything! Every instruction in the Bi'l for right living is just a weight on your shoulders if the gos' is left out; it's the law we can never live up to. Chrs'ity without the gos. is just Morality, and Morality never saved anyone. I firmly believe this is why so many people, especially those who grow up in "Chr'n" homes, ultimately reject Ch't. Without understanding the mindblowing love and sacrifice and work that was done on the crss, it's just silly stories and one big guilt-trip, and who needs that? Let us never become so "spirt'l" that we think we no longer need the fundamentals. The fundumentals are everything.

Getting back to the original thought of the last paragraph, I have struggled with prayer, been blown away by rediscovering an "old" truth, and have felt the need to be more "bold and stouthearted". So, even though it was like trying to pedal a bike with a rusty chain, I asked God for help. I asked for a desire to pray more, to never lose sight of what is really important, and to put a fire in me so that I would long for opportunities to share, and that I would act upon those momentary feelings of boldness. I want plain evidence in my life of the amazing transformation of my heart--of the grace that has saved me. While it is true that we are sav'd by our faith, it is also true that faith without works is dead.



I also have to add this to my post. Some people think it's really great and brave that I want to go to 3rd world countries to be a miss shun airy. You want to know the truth though? Sometimes I think it's more cowardly than anything. The greatest problem we face when sharing our hope with others is not convicing them that they need to be saved, it's convincing them that they are lost. Now, you tell me which is easier: convincing someone with a steady job, nice house, two cars that run well and a golden retriever that they need to hope in something beyond this world, or someone who lives in a mud hut and has one change of clothing? I pick the mud hut. Granted, there are many other trials and challenges to the work that I look forward to. But what I really want to say is this: the m field isn't just "there". It's everywhere. It's here in D, where there are people from over 200 different nations who come and go regularly; who are hearing and believing and taking that hope home with them. It's in your workplace, with the people you see everyday, or with that woman who always rings up your groceries. It's in Tofte and GM, which are really like mini Dubais. Think about it! How many students come every year, from all over the world? If you work with or near them, have you ever thought about what a unique position that puts you in? Think about Olga from last summer--she came, heard, believed, and took that fire back to Russia with her. How many people have now had the chance to hear who might not have otherwise? Please! I beg you! When you are in a foreign place where you don't know anyone, it is such a bl'ssing when someone reaches out to you. Being invited over for lunch is just about the greatest thing ever! It's really frustrating when you feel like you can't get around anywhere, and intimidating when you feel like you have to invite yourself along places. Reach out to them--make it easy. Arrange transportation both ways with set times and expectations, or at least a wide open invitation that allows for flexibility. And if you're thinking, "I'm not ashamed of what I believe, but I'm the sort of person who can just strike up a conversation about it," firstly I say you're wrong (I was! No one picks up a new instrument or tries to learn a new skill and is immediately excellent at it...), but secondly then at least get the students to someone who will share with them. Eternity is hanging in the balance, and each one of us has been given the same Commission.

Wow. That was a lot. For a quick update on other things--it was a good weekend, and it has been a good week so far. I finally have boxes to pack up my classroom, and we're basically done already with the science and math planning for next year. Awesome? I think so. And pretty soon, I'll be packing up a few things of my own! Now to decide what to take and what to leave here...

Lost

I am shaken to my core, and for that do I rejoice. As I continue this post, keep in mind that I first and foremost ask all of these questions of myself.

How do you know that you are saved? Is it because you prayed a prayer once? Because you believe in God and Js Chst? Because you are bapt eyezed? You take communion? In your heart of hearts you just know? Because you believe in the work of the cross? I ask you, HOW DO YOU KNOW? What does the Bbl say? Is that a question you can answer? I am ashamed to say that I could not. But I have since looked, and here is what I have found in just Matthew.

Now a man cmae to Je and asked, "Teahcer, what ood thing must I do to get eterhanl life?" "Why do you aske em about what is good? There is olny One who is good. If you wnat to enter life, oby the command mints." 19:17

What are some of those commandments?
You have heard, "Do not murder." But if you are angry with your brother, it is the same . See 5:21
And you have been told not to be an adulterer. But if you look with lsut, you are guilyt. See 5:27
Love your ene my and p'y for those who peresecute you. 5:43o
Donot judge. 7:1
Forgive. 18:21-35
And lastly, "Be perfect, therefore, as your hvn'y Fahter is pefrect." 5:48

These are commands we cannot keep. What, then, must we do?
"From that tmie on Js began to praech, "Repent, for the knigdom is naer." 4:17
And "Produce fruit in keeping with repentnace." 3:8

And what will happen to those who do not bear fruit "in keeping with repentance"?
"The ax is already at the root of the trees, and evrey tree that deos not porduce good fruit will be cut down and thrwon into the fire." 3:10

Again, I ask you, how do you know where you will spend the life hereafter? How do you know? Do not be deceived. You cannot prey a pryr one day, and continue living as you did the day before. You cannot sit in a service on Sundays, or simply confess Js with your mouth. "Woe to you... You are like white-washed tombs, which look beautiful on the outsdie, bit unside are full of ... hypocrysi and wickadness." 23:27, 23:28

Many will say to me on that day, "Lor Lrd, [a repition of this term indicates these people spent their lives professing his name] did we not...?" The I will tell them plpainly, "I never knew you." See 7:22

I prey that your heart would be seared as mine has been. Give an hour of your time, and listen to this semon (it is not the exact one that I heard, but it is the same speaker and the message is essentially the same). Believe me, it will not be an hour wasted. Yes, I know, an hour seems like longer than you want to commit. But, really? Is one hour of your fleeting life really more important than an eternity of ever-after? Can you answer assuedly, with sound Bibcl evidence, exactly how you know? Is the fruit in your life good, and plain to all men? You may know and profess Chst, but does he know you? I plead with you, turn off the television, stop surfing the internet, put down the magazine and spend an hour listening to this. You might ask, "Aren't you being a little overly-dramatic and macabre?" Am I? When was the last time you really considered the magnitude and importance of what is haninging the balance?

What signs in your life show that you are the "salt and light of the world"? (5:13, 5:14)
"Make a tree good and it's fruit will be good... a tree is recognized by its fruit... For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks... men will have to give account... for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquited, and by your words you will bee condmend." 12:33 - 12:37

This post is not laid out nearly as well as in the provided link (it's late and I'm tired, but this is important), but I hope you're feeling uncomfortable enough to take the time to listen. It's not a feel-good message, but if you are serious about desiring to call yourself a Chrstn, it is one you won't regret hearing.

~Nikki

The Big and the Small

I have to add a quick note to this morning's post. As I was typing it, I was also chatting online with one of my best friends from home, who happens to be getting married in just over a month. I was telling her about my "tight-rope" situation, and that I just sent an email I'm not sure I should have sent. Certainly not the end of the world, but one of those "Should I take action or wait patiently?" situations where I chose to take action, then questioned it afterward. She told me the most wonderful thing. Before she officially got engaged, she spent a semester studying in Ghana. During that time, she knew that an engagement was coming soon, and she and her boyfriend were of course discussing many things over email. Here is , essentially, what she told me. "You know, some of my most controversial emails didn't make it to him. He just never got them." WOW. God is sovereign over everything, even emails! Right now, I'm trusting that God is going to work out a couple of really big things in my life that seem almost ludicrous. But I firmly believe that He is going to do it. How can I then turn around and not trust him in such a small matter as an email? Hitting "send" feels so final, but He has the last word. We make our mistakes, but his will prevails. Hal-lay-lou-ya and a-men. :o)

That just really made my day, so I felt the need to share it.


love ya KJ (KC!)

Growing and Going

I'm more than half way through my first week of no kids, and so far it has been great. I have time to do my paperwork (much of which has to be submitted, checked and give back before you can do the next step with it), to write up report cards, and to try to meet with some people who always seem to be unavailable. But, it's been very laid back, which is wonderful. The last two days some of the teachers ordered a whole spread of Lebanese food for breakfast, though you wouldn't think of it as breakfast by our standards. They use lots of bread. A girl I once worked with who lived in Hungary told me that in the US, we had really bad bread. I didn't understand this at the time--how could other bread be so much better? Now I understand how limited my experience with bread has been. :o) Anyway, you have to imagine bread somthing like pita or a thin pizza dough that's soft, shaped in ovals that are 6 inches long and three inches wide, some that are more pinched at the ends, some folded into triangles and stuffed. They have cheese on top (really good cheese that we don't have. Reminds me of a cross between cheddar and mozzarella), meat minced very finely with some spices, or spinach stuffed inside. They also have hummous (chickpeas well mashed with tahina sauce, I think) that you eat with thin lebanese bread or with the carrots, lettuce, and cucumbers. There was a round bread with something red and spicy on it too, but I didn't try that one. Oh! And yesterday they have little savory 'donuts'. I think filafel and sesame, but I'm not quite sure. They were really good though. Anyay, that has been breakfast. And school.

So, as my dad mentioned in his blog, this year has been extremely hard, but also a time of amazing growth for me. I told him that if my growth in the inside could be seen on the outside, I'd be at least 5'9" instead of 5'4". I know I've done my fair share of complaining, but I really am thankful for the benefits. So, you may ask, how is all of that changing now that the school year is over? Well, there are still admin issues that I'm trying to deal with, so right now it's finding that balance between ranting and raving like most other people, or getting walked on. How do I live in a way that shows there is something different about my life while still being firm? That's my current quandary. I'm sort of walking a tightrope in that area, and with a few other things right now. I'm trying very hard to believe that G will accomplish his plans through/for/inspite of me, while also trying hard not to screw up. It's that line between take action and waiting patiently, and sometimes it's not so clear which of the two you should be doing. I have more thoughts on that subject, but I need to collect them a little more so I think I will save them for another time and another post (maybe my next one. :o)

Enjoying my remaining time, but counting down the days,
~Nikki