Choices

It is not a fun thing, but I can choose my attitude. I can practice responding in right and honoring ways until they become natural reactions. I can make the decision to be the best damn teacher that I can be, and to live such an upright life that my Father is honored and no one can accuse me of wrong-doing.

I can, and I will.

Bags and Shoes

I don't necessarily fault those people who are, but I'm glad I'm not a bags and shoes kind of girl. Yes dad, I know I have my fair share of both bags and shoes, but allow me to explain. My bags are different sizes and shapes--they have different functions. I can pretty much say the same thing about my shoes, even if I have a pair or two that can be considered frivolous. What I do not have are four bags of approximately the same design but just in different colors, with a pair of shoes to match each bag. I do not purchase a new bag because it is a different shade of brown than my other three brown bags, and then make sure I have a pair of matching brown shoes to go with my new bag. Why do I mention this? My flatemate when shopping this morning. :o) She has two new brown bags and shoes to match each one. She happens to have a drawer full of bags. Now, as I said, I don't fault her for this; I have plenty of my own vices. I'm just glad that is not one of them. (Farah, if you ever read this, I seriously love you). :o)

I do have plenty of bags of another sort, though. Right now I have bags upon my shoulders. Thursday was not a fun day at school. It starts off with me teaching three periods in a row, which honestly, I promise you, is a lot here. At home, I taught all day, no problem. Here--three periods in a row with no break is a marathon. Anyway, I was at at the end of my third period. Then I was supposed to take the kids outside because it was our day to go out for first break. Except that I had at least half of my class needing to write lines for me, and about eight kids who had lost the privilege of going outside for breaking the rules. Trying to get all of that sorted out while trying to get my kids to put their lunchboxes and trash away (some genius decided that it would be a good idea to design the school so that kids eat in their classrooms) was just an absolute mess. And if I don't take the kids out, I get in trouble. Anyway, about ten kids got about as many minutes outside, and I got even more frustrated.

After that, I needed to go see a few people in the main administration because I'm trying to get my plane ticket home sorted out. The school wasn't going to give me enough money to cover the cost, which is a violation of my contract. Then the school said that they would pay for for my ticked (rather than give me a set sum of money), but I'm waiting on some paperwork before they can book it. I also needed to try to make sure that they would use my NWA WorldPerks number so I will get my airline miles if I'm not able to book it myself (but trying to explain a what a WorldPerks number is was just about worthless).

On top of needing to go see people about my plane ticket, my HOD (English Head of Department, who, along with the section vice principal, is my immediate boss) cornered me and said that I need to see her during my free time for a meeting with her and the vice principal. Great. Back up a bit for a moment; the HOD was breathing down my neck about some things in my class. Apparently, every single piece of work that I ever assign in my class, or that is ever on the grade two weekly plan of things to be taught, needs to be checked and marked by me personally. I readily admit that I have not been very good about checking homework (there is no time and my class doesn't work independently, so I can't do it during class like all of the other teachers do). Besides that, anything that we do in class I didn't think I needed to check--all of the right answers are on the board and the kids copy them down. Plus, I often go over homework in class and have the kids correct their own--then they get to do self-corrections. Anyway, apparently what I had been doing is not allowed (which would have been really nice for someone to tell me a long time ago). So! Last week I was working like mad to get things corrected and handed back. On top of that, I was also told that the kids are supposed to correct every mistake that they make in any work, five times, and I am then supposed to check their corrections... I think this is ludicrous, but whatever. I was at least attempting to get them to correct the mistakes they made in their books. Well, with all of my time being consumed by marking and correcting and such, I didn't prioritize correctly and I missed a different deadline. International Day was this past week. It was supposed to be on Thursday. Then, I think Sunday afternoon, we got a note to send home to our kids which said that International Day would be on Wednesday . How kind of the admin to inform us before-hand. Later, we got a memo saying that our outside bulletin boards needed to be fully decorated by Tuesday (mind you that I wanted to send a note home with my kids at least a week and half earlier so they could start bringing in decorations, but I wasn't allowed to because I had to wait for the official school note). Well, guess who didn't have their board fully decorated by the end of the day Tuesday? You got it--pick me. Guess who was pulled aside by the vice principal and lectured while leaving school on Tuesday? Again, picked me. Wednesday morning my board looked great, but I did miss the official deadline.

So, the HOD was already less than happy with me about my books, and the vp was less than happy about my bulletin board (and still bringing up the easy ter fiasco with the chris chin teachers, which I actually had nothing to do with, but I still get shoved in that group because I'm one of the non-muslim teachers). Fast-forward back to my Thursday meeting (I realize that I'm kind of ranting again, and not doing the best job of logically filling in the background info. I apologize for that). Here is what my hour-long meeting was about. Apparently the vp has daily been getting phone calls from parents who are complaining about my class. Kids don't have their books, diaries aren't filled out properly, and students come home and don't understand the concepts taught in class. Mind you, the last thing I heard about my class was that around parent-teacher conferences, they were getting good reports. And I have really been working hard to do everything that I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I've been doing a better job of that lately than any time previous. But that aside, they want to know what is going on my classroom. I will spare you the ranting-details of everything that was said, but lets just say that it was not nice. I am an inexperienced teacher in a completely different culture--I understand my weaknesses. What I do not understand is how it is suddenly my fault that I have been ignored when I went to the administration to address my problems and ask for help, and now there are more issues because of it. What I do not understand is how I get two different sets of instructions and guidelines from the HOD and the vp, and they don't understand why there is confusion in my class. I fail to see how it is my fault that kids in my class are hiding their books and ripping out notes that have been glued into their homework diaries so they can tell their parents they don't have any homework. And I lack the capacity to appreciate my bosses telling me that if I come back next year, then perhaps I should be teaching in kindergarten where I can just "play with the kids all day." I don't take kindly to my words being twisted around and pointed back at me accusingly. It bothers me when people don't listen to what is coming out of my mouth. It irks me to be ignored, and then to be blamed. I am tired of getting kicked around.

I know that this kind of thing happens everywhere. I know that, as Paul said, this is nothing strange, so why should I be amazed? We are never promised that those in authority will treat us justly, but we are told to submit. And we are promised that everything will be worked out for the good of those who love Him. I know this. I believe this. Knowing, however, doesn't always make things easier. It just doesn't. About a month and a half ago, I really learned what it meant to rest on the promise that everything, every situation good or bad, is ultimately for our good; it was really wonderful. What a change in my attitude and my classroom! Not too long after that, things in my class went pretty sour again, and I thought Aha! I've learned something good and now I'm being tested! Bring it on! Now the vers that keeps cycling through my head is "Be care when you think you are standing firm..." Being tested gets old.

I guess a lot of me just wishes that there was a clear set of instructions for how to follow G's leadings. Is this just another trial? Or is this leading me in a direction that says I shouldn't come back next year? There was a good deal of if thrown around at the end of my meeting. A lot of it was to say that maybe I am not well suited to grade two and perhaps I should teacher something different; I wouldn't necessarily disagree with that. But still, if... If makes me wonder. I guess I need to schedule a meeting with the principal, and get some things sorted out.

In the meantime, I sure would appreciate your prey rs. I'm not sure at the moment what my mission is, or if I've accomplished my purpose here. I just really don't know.

Thanks,
~nikki

A Spring Summary

Wow. I really haven't posted much this month. Here goes a whirlwind summary.

At the beginning of the month, google decided that it wasn't going to let me on for several days. Following that little event, I spent a good chunk of time answering emails, and really had nothing interesting to say. Round two of parent-teacher conferences went much much better than round one, and it rained some more. No exciting updates (although I did mean to take a picture of the "pond" that formed in the parking lot across from my apartment).

Easy ter came and went--it was nice. On the Wednesday before, Johani (yo-HA-nee), the music teacher, came over to my place and we had a really nice evening bbq near the lake (and didn't get fined, which someone warned us about while we were eating. Whew.) We then got Thursday off because of Feria (an event which caused a good number of problems and made me angry, so I'll say no more than it was like a little state-fair at school), and of course Friday and Saturday was the normal weekend. Sunday I also had off school--awesome, and I went to a sunrise service on the beach, which was really nice. The one of the Chinese cher chs was there as well, and I met a good number of new people (and ate a really great, authentic chinese dumpling. Yum.) One of the new people I met was Michelle, who is from one of the Carolinas (I think South). She and I ended up spending the day together, and we had a nice time.

Monday morning I woke up sick. It started out as a sore throat sore ears kind of thing. The next day it was moving into my chest. Wednesday I didn't think I was going to make it to school, but did, though by Thursday afternoon (as soon as I got home from work :o) I was starting to feel better. Now it's just a hoarse throat and slightly cottony ears kind of thing again.

Friday was pretty cool though. I caught a ride out to Jebel Ali (cher ch) with some guys I met on easy ter who live near me, and then hooked up with Michelle again. She aske me if I wanted to go wadi walking, to which I said sure. Wadis are sort of like mountain streams in the desert--they really only have water in them when it rains. So, the plan was to walk dry river beds in the mountains, more or less. I hopped in with her and we drove to a petrol station outside the city where we met up with another group of people (and I changed into a spare set of clothes that Michelle thankfully had in her car). Then we headed further off into the desert. After a while, Michelle commented that we were pretty close to the Oman border. Then, not too long after that, Michelle made the observation that weren't we about to cross the Oman border? Uhh... Who didn't have their passport? Pick me. Who left their purse in Michelle's car and had no form of identification whatsoever? Again, pick me. The woman driving assured us that we didn't need it at this particular border crossing, and sure enough, the guys in the little gate-house building at the border just sort of waved as we drove pass. Wow.

The "mountains" in Oman were quite intersting. We passed a few areas that I would have considered to be oasis--very green and beautiful. But the mountains themselves were really odd; I haven't really seen anything like them before. They were more like mountains in miniature--not terrible tall, but sort of mountain shaped. The odd thing about them, however, was how crumbly the looked. There was hardly a solid rock face to be found. There were just scraggly rocks everywhere, and lots of little tiny caves... sort of. I could not figure out what kind of stone it was, or how it had been formed. And of course I didn't have my camera with me (I even looked at it as I was leaving that morning, and thought "What would I need my camera for?) Silly me), so I have no pictures to share. Anyway, the long and short of it was that it was all new territory to me, but we had a good time. We hiked up a way, basically to where the wadi started actually making a bed, then looped around a little peak and headed back down, stopping for some food and rest on the way. Oh! And! This was so cool. There was a little pool of water near where we stopped, and I was so amazed by the diversity of life in it. There were two kinds of tadpoles--little black ones and bigger brownish ones (one of them was sucking on my foot, which is a fun and tickle-ish sort of feeling), some kind of mosquito-ish larva, a little thing that made me think of a cross between an underwater centipede and a very large ant, some little white grubs, some small black water beetles, tiny empty seashells, and at least one or two other larva-type critters. I was quite impressed for the very small size of the pool.

Anway, we got back from out hike, Michelle came over and we watched a couple of movies, which kept me up until 2:00, and then I was shutting down my computer and Miss Kati K messaged me, which kept me up until 3:00, and then I was so disgustingly gross from our hike that I absolutely could not go to bed (knowing that I lacked motivation to wash my blankets the next day), so I then had to take a nice long shower. Around 4:00 I finally slipped beneath the covers.

Saturday I cleaned, did some reading, relaxed, and made babaganoosh. Yum. Today, it was back to school. As my dad likes to say, just another day in paradise.

Hope you enjoyed the updates. And thanks so much to everyone who commented on my previous post, Dirty Dishes (Reba! You should send me your email address. You're one of the few people I know not on facebook... which isn't necessarily a bad thing :o). Glad I finally had something thought-provoking to say. Oh, and speaking of which, I started a new book not too long ago, called Created to be His Help Meet. Ladies--I highly recommend this one. Single, newly married, moms and grandmas--a good read for anyone who someday hopes to get married or who has been for years. Certainly not the easiest pill for everyone to swallow, but good medicine and very bib li call. It's by Debi Pearl, who founded the No Greater Joy min iz tree with her husband Michael. He also wrote a book, which I think is called Only Men. If it's anything like Debi's, I'd suggest taking a look at that one as well (I'd read it myself, but they actually ask women not to, which of course makes me want to read it all the more! :o) nogreaterjoy.org has lots of resources, including a free monthly newsletter.

Well, I think that really is all for now. Thanks for reading.

~Nikki

A Pathetic Thank You

Well, this post is rather sad and pathetic, but I'm at a loss for a better idea. So, here goes.

Nearly A YEAR AGO I graduated from college--Halleluja! It was a very long and hard four years, but by a grace not my own, I made it through. At that time, gifts and blessings were graciously showered upon me by members of my immediate and extended family. Also at that point in time, my life was in a bit of a sudden upheaval. My plans to go to Japan had suddenly fallen through, followed by my plans to go to South Korea, and I found myself jobless and directionless.

Now, when I sent out my graduation announcements, I used it as an opportunity to get in touch with and update people I hadn't really spoken with in a while. I put in some pictures and stories and made it kind of a fun card more than an announcement. After all of the excitement and merryment was over and things had suddenly gone from "I'm moving to Japan" to "I'm stuck jobless in Grand Marais," I was really hoping to have a nice life-update to send out with my thank you cards for graduation gifts. However, there wasn't really any exciting update, and there still wasn't any more of an update, and pretty soon nearly six months had gone by. And then out of nowhere I was leaving for Dubai in two weeks.

You know how you make a list of people you need to send thank you cards to? I brought that list to Dubai with me. I had it here with every intention of sending out really great cards from the other side of the world. I even wrote a few cards while I was in the Amsterdam airport on the way here. It was a fantastic idea, except that for the longest time I couldn't figure out how to get to a post office. And of course with all of the new changes, my good intentions were soon tucked into a drawer and forgotten. Until I went back home in January. And then I remembered that list, and said to myself "These are ridiculously late, but I will send out thank you cards when I am home." Alas, somewhere between the UAE and the USA, that list got lost.

So, I know a few people may have gotten a card that I fortunately scrawled before I lost my list (even though those cards were sent several months after they were written), but most people didn't, and for that I am both embarassed and extremely sorry. It was not because I am ungrateful, or thoughtless. On the contrary, I was hoping to do something really great to show my appreciation. Unfortunately, me being me, that just didn't work out so well.

So, to my sister and her husband who funded my sweet motorcycle jacket, and my parents who took me on an amazing trip; for my grandparents who send their love with me wherever I go, and my aunts who passed on wise words of wisdom from their own experiences and travels. For Mama B, and everyone else who has loved me across the years, this is a thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you know how much I appreciate all that you have done for me, and how much I love you.

~Nikki